


These Dreams I Dreamed

by shinigami_yumi



Series: Across Time And Space [5]
Category: Samurai Warriors, Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors, Warriors Orochi
Genre: Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon Compliant, Cao Pi marries 15 women who remind him of Mitsunari, Complete, Diary/Journal, Established Relationship, F/M, Historical Accuracy, History - Freeform, Implied Relationships, Kiyomasa gets a taste of his own medicine, M/M, Mitsunari has a very tragic life, Not A Fix-It, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), People who love each other but never quite get together, Sakon and Mitsunari are BFFs, Scarification, Snark, There are still happy moments, Tragedy, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-23
Updated: 2012-10-23
Packaged: 2017-11-16 22:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami_yumi/pseuds/shinigami_yumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back in his own time after the True Ending of Warriors Orochi 3, Mitsunari is haunted by dreams he can barely remember and a sense that something is missing. In the meantime, the events surrounding the Battle of Sekigahara unfold. Amidst the tumult in his life, he finds in his possession a book and learns that over 1300 years ago, Cao Pi was experiencing the exact same sense of loss.</p><p>Now featuring lovely art by <a href="http://somefunkyurl.com/">Kelly</a>!</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Dreams I Dreamed

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel of sorts to [Head Over Feet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/451775), but reading that first isn't strictly necessary to enjoy this. This story does, however, make a few references to the events in its prequel, since the Cao Pi/Mitsunari relationship was established there.
> 
> Again, the background and setting of this story blends historical fact, Musou fiction and headcanon, plus an indeterminate amount of tidbits from other sources. If you've never heard of it, chances are either I or someone else made it up.
> 
> Since he remains a generic in the game as of Sengoku Musou 3, Yoshitsugu's appearance and characterization stem almost entirely from headcanon shaped by historical accounts or anecdotes.
> 
> All game references in the story are to Samurai Warriors 2 (English), Sengoku Musou 3 (Japanese), Musou Orochi Maou Sairin (Japanese; Warriors Orochi 2 in English) and Warriors Orochi 3 (English).
> 
> To avoid confusion: Indented normal text indicates a dream scene; indented italicized text indicates an excerpt from the book.
> 
> Much thanks to [oudeteron](http://archiveofourown.org/users/oudeteron/pseuds/oudeteron) for the hand-holding and beta. All mistakes are mine. Tell me if you find anything we missed. I regret nothing.
> 
> Just in time for the anniversary period of Sekigahara too!

**~I~**

> I stare at the map before me and frown. It was drawn recently during explorations of the surrounding area, but it is wholly unsatisfactory. In the past week, I have seen to it being properly updated to reflect the changing landscape of this world, but I cannot take pride in such a meager endeavour. It is terribly inefficient that I have to do this myself. How annoying.
> 
> “I have received reports that Orochi moves towards us.” A pale hand places a marker on the irritatingly less-than-perfect map to indicate the location. I make a mental note to chart a proper one when this is over. “Our scouts tell me it is a sizable force.”
> 
> Tapping my fan to my hand, I circle the table, pensive. “I find it exceedingly difficult to believe that Orochi has truly been resurrected.” I turn to my companion who rubs the bridge of his nose. He’s tired from his last excursion. “What do you make of it?”
> 
> “Must you ask what you already know? I share your doubts, but we must be prepared for anything.”
> 
> I nod, reaching for several markers. “Let’s block this route off,” I suggest, placing one over a pass. “In the meantime, we should place some troops here and here to lure them to this detour. That should slow their advance sufficiently for us to properly prepare. I take it you don’t plan on requesting or awaiting reinforcements? We mustn’t let your father think we can’t fight.”
> 
> He smiles, a kind of pride shining in his onyx eyes. I cannot help mirroring the expression.
> 
> “I cannot let him steal all of my glory.” Once more, he does not say. “Between the two of us, we defeated Orochi once. Will we need my father’s help against his shadow? I think not.”
> 
> “Confident as ever, aren’t we?” I catch his gaze, growing serious. “Taira no Kiyomori is not a man to be underestimated, Cao Pi. Nasty to know, even nastier to fight.” I turn to leave his room.
> 
> Quick as a flash, I am pulled haphazardly into his lap.
> 
> “How rude,” I chide, but only bury my fingers in dark hair.
> 
> He smirks. “You’re one to talk, brother.” The last word rolls teasingly off his tongue. My hand fists in silk. “I’d hardly let you leave after keeping you here so late.”
> 
> I kiss him roughly, at once a battle and an embrace. Before I know it, we’re on his bed, his body blanketing mine and a curtain of hair blocking out the lamp light.
> 
> “I want to win this,” I whisper, our lips barely a rin apart. [1]
> 
> “We _will_ win, Mitsunari,” he promises, meeting my eyes squarely. “When you are with me, I cannot force myself to retreat.”
> 
> A short bark of laughter escapes me. It is exasperating, but charming that he continues to treat me like a consort in private. My protests are futile, so as he pulls a blanket over us and wraps his arms tightly around me, I merely lace our fingers and relax into sleep.

I blink at the sunlight streaming in through the window and sit up. Lately, I keep having these dreams I can only vaguely remember. Yet, they must be beautiful, for I am always happy in them. I long to close my eyes for a little longer, but today, I am to meet Yoshitsugu for the first time since we were together in Korea. I was informed that his illness has taken a turn for the worse, that he missed our Lord Hideyoshi’s funeral because he could barely climb out of bed. Yet, now I hear that he plans to ally himself with that lying usurper, Tokugawa. I must dissuade him. I know his loyalty to Lord Hideyoshi to be beyond question, so I must convince him of the truth.

A knock sounds at the door. “My lord, I trust you are awake?”

“Sakon,” I answer. “Yes, come in.”

The door slides open, and he steps in, already fully dressed. “You should prepare yourself, my lord. My men report that Lord Ōtani will arrive within the hour.”

I nod, rising. “Please have him escorted in.”

“As you wish.” Sakon turns to leave. “One more thing.”

I turn in question.

“Please take your friend, Lord Naoe’s advice to heart, my lord. It would serve you well in the coming days.” With that, Sakon slides the door shut behind him.

Diplomacy, is it? I dress, pensive. Sakon is right, of course. Upon the meeting with Lord Konishi and the other loyalists today hinges our one chance of putting an end to Tokugawa’s usurpative ambitions. Much as it pains me, I must tread lightly.

 

My old friend arrives at my doorstep in a palanquin, wearing a white mask and covered in white robes and bandages. A retainer helps his son carry him in. I receive him in my study where we have more privacy instead of the main audience hall and help him settle comfortably against a wall once we are alone.

“Yoshitsugu, my friend,” I murmur as Sakon enters with cushions for him. “Had I not heard that you were travelling, I would have gone to see you myself.”

“Mitsunari..?” he rasps softly, reaching out. It isn’t until he misses my face by almost half a shaku that I realize the eyes peering out of the mask’s eye holes are blank and unseeing. [2]

I can’t breathe. I press his bandaged hands to my cheeks, closing my eyes. “Yes,” I manage at last, swallowing the lump that has formed in my throat. “It’s me, Yoshitsugu; it’s me.”

Stiff fingers chafe my cheek. “D—Don’t cry,” he whispers. I hear the wistful smile in his voice as he concludes, “You haven’t changed much. Pretend I haven’t either.”

I nod, pressing my lips to the inside of his wrist. He stiffens. I haven’t done this since that one time he held me close from behind and gasped my name in my ear, before he fell so terribly sick. I lean forward to embrace him, picturing him as he once was — the intensity in his dark eyes, a tired smile on his stern face and his black hair shining in the Korean sun. It reminds me of...someone.

I shake my head to clear the sudden haze and pull away. “Let me make you some tea.”

He nods, letting his hands fall to his lap. “It will be a pleasure to taste your tea once again, Mitsunari; you brew it most excellently. But must you have so many soldiers on guard to welcome an old friend?” Despite the raspiness of his voice, he sounds hurt.

“Oh...” I beckon Sakon over and take the cushions from him. “Yoshitsugu, please allow me to introduce my vassal, Shima Sakon.” I place Yoshitsugu’s hands in Sakon’s. “The men stationed outside are his, here to safeguard the meeting we are having later today.”

“It is an honour to meet you, Lord Ōtani,” Sakon greets, covering my friend’s hands with his own warmly. “Please, we mean no offense.”

“Meeting..?”

“Yes, we will be meeting some other lords later today to discuss current affairs,” I explain, arranging the cushions behind and beneath him with Sakon’s help. “You are welcome to join us.”

Sakon excuses himself to see to other things, and Yoshitsugu falls silent. I move to where my tea ceremony implements have been set up and set about the process of brewing some, lost in thought.

It wasn’t until we arrived in Pusan that I realized the naivety of Lord Hideyoshi’s dream, that the reality of its impossibility really set in. We’d lost almost all the ground we gained in Korea by then, and even when we’d conquered almost everything up to Pyongyang, China was still so very far away. How could we, coming from across the sea through hostile territory, hope to fully conquer a land that had taken its own people centuries to unify? I can hardly blame my lord for wanting to achieve greatness before his death, but we’ll be paying for his ignorance for generations to come if we lose this war. It was the Korean campaign that weakened us, that left ties strained and our armies depleted, giving Tokugawa the opening he needed. It was the Korean campaign that ruined things with Kiyomasa because he simply refused to listen to good sense about the stretched supply lines. And it was the Korean campaign that robbed the last of my dear friend’s vitality; Yoshitsugu’s illness progressed quickly after that.

I can only hope my bitterness doesn’t show in the tea.

Dispensing with proper ceremony, I press the bowl into his hands. He removes the mask to sip at the tea, and I avert my eyes because I can’t bear to see the lesions on his face. “The tea leaves must float in every cup of tea you brew, Mitsunari,” he remarks with a pleased sigh. “It warms me to my heart.” [3]

I smile, pulling a chest I’ve never opened over to us.

“Yoshitsugu, do you remember the gifts the Chinese envoys brought?”

He chuckles. “That Lord Hideyoshi turned down in a fit of rage and nearly beheaded Augustin over?”

“The same. After he unceremoniously threw the envoys out and let me dissuade him from beheading Lord Konishi for deceiving him, he gave me this box full of manuscripts and codices that they didn’t manage to take back with them. I never got around to opening it in the chaos that followed, but perhaps we can find something of interest to you inside it today.”

His hand successfully finds mine this time. “Is it not one of his final gifts to you? You mustn’t. And I am hardly in any condition to appreciate good reading now.”

I squeeze it, opening the box with my free hand. “Then let me read you some.”

Yoshitsugu smiles. It is painful to watch. “Please.”

I settle beside him, let him rest his head on my shoulder as he always did, and read him excerpts of Chinese literature. Among them, I find beautiful copies of works I already own and some I’ve never heard of. There are also writings on governance and strategy, and I set these aside for future reference. I am about to reach for another collection of poetry when I spot the book beneath it. _The Collected Writings of Emperor Wen of Wei_ , I read silently, not knowing why it draws me so. My heart races as I flip through it. There are poems, articles, surviving excerpts of his book, the Dianlun, and even what look to be memoirs. [4]

“I take it you found something of great interest.”

I jump, startled out of my reading.

“Mitsunari?”

I relax outwardly, shaking my head. “It’s a collection of writings I thought long lost to us.” I read the first poem in the collection aloud; it laments the death of the poet’s father, Cao Cao. “They were written about one thousand three hundred years ago by Emperor Wen of Wei in the Three Kingdoms era, possibly the most interesting time period in the history of China.”

“How...melodramatic,” Yoshitsugu murmurs beside me.

I silence a chuckle at how his assessment of the poem’s sentiment matches my own and turn to the first memoir-like entry.

> _I have not had time to write since my father’s passing. My brothers contest my inheritance, but it appears the puppet has some sway as yet. His recognition has quieted them for now, and I have ordered them to return to their fiefs. Politics is a powerful weapon indeed._
> 
> _Finally, I have peace, no matter how transient. It will not be long before I must make my move if I am to ever realize my dream. The preparations are all either in place or underway, and I have rechecked them so many times that I know them by heart. Still, I feel as if I am forgetting something important. It never hurts to be too careful in matters such as these._
> 
> _Sometimes, I take a walk in the grounds to gather my thoughts. These days, I find myself visiting the barn a lot. It is peaceful, simple. Something in me expects to see someone there, although I know not whom or why, and of course, there is no one. The common people are quick to greet me before clearing out the area for my privacy whenever I visit. It is irrational to expect someone to be waiting there for me, and yet, I cannot help that haunting sense of emptiness beside me whenever I recline against a bale of straw for a moment of respite. Perhaps I will take Zhen or Nüwang with me next time._

A knock on the door interrupts my reading. It is Sakon, here to inform me that the meeting can now be convened because the guests have arrived. I cannot understand this deep sorrow, this impossibly heavy weight in my chest. A simple narrative about missing something should not affect me so, and yet, I find I can relate perfectly. I breathe deeply to compose myself, shutting the book and setting it aside for later. As I help Sakon carry Yoshitsugu to the hall, I tell myself that today will be the day we come together to stop Tokugawa. I am sure of it. Cao Pi is not the only one with dreams.

 

“My friend, surely, you realize it is the day after the festival for this?” [5]

We are alone now, in my bedroom, and the sun sets outside the window I am gazing out of. I find myself reaching out to brush my fingers against...a hand that isn’t there, and I lift my own to stare quizzically at it. I turn to Yoshitsugu, reclined against the wall to my right.

“The festival to appease the obake that spirits away your possessions and souls in broad daylight?” [6]

“Oh, Mitsunari!” Yoshitsugu’s tone is chiding even as he laughs.

I shake my head. “Even so, I must fight. Lord Hideyoshi was akin to a father to me. I cannot let that schemer steal his son’s inheritance.”

He falls silent, pensive, for a moment. “Surely, the others see the futility of this course of action,” he sighs despondently.

I nod. “Yet right is on our side. One justice can overpower a hundred evils. Lord Konishi sees this and, as such, has agreed to help fight and finance our campaign.”

“You mean he cannot lift his head before you, for convincing Lord Hideyoshi to spare his life after the Chinese and Korean fiasco, and Lord Hideyoshi for acceding,” he ripostes wryly. “Moreover, he has a score to settle with Tokugawa Ieyasu and Katō Kiyomasa. Not to mention he knows Tokugawa Ieyasu shares the worst of Lord Hideyoshi’s anti-Christian sentiments.” [7]

I ignore that. “The Uesugi would never side with an unjust cause,” I say instead.

My old friend sighs again. “I see I cannot dissuade you.” He reaches for me. “Mitsunari.”

I kneel to take his withering hands in mine. Again, I am struck by that hauntingly familiar intensity, the _pride_ shining in his blind eyes, and it’s hard to breathe.

“You truly are an extraordinary man. I swear to never desert you. Until all is lost or my body withers to nothingness, I shall stand with you.”

I tighten my grip. “Thank you, my friend,” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “Thank you. But live. That we may see our ideals come to fruition together.”

**~II~**

> We are in the peach garden again, the same one we found to swear as brothers in, and I wonder if it might be the same one Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei used, fortuitously placed so close to Luoyang in this patchwork land. Cao Pi plucks a peach blossom as we walk, leading our horses, and tucks it behind my ear. I frown.
> 
> “Stop it. I keep telling you I’m not a woman,” I chastise, reaching up to remove it.
> 
> He catches my hand. “I hasten to fight my battles, no time or place for peach blossoms, my gaze turned only towards conquest. Yet captive I stand, in the world of his heart; surely, his qualities, like his charms, are without equal,” he recites solemnly. [8]
> 
> I stare mutely at him for a moment, then throw my hands up in exasperation. “You are ridiculous.” I turn to hide the embarrassing blush I am resolutely fighting down. My unseemliness disgusts me.
> 
> Cao Pi wraps his arms around my waist from behind. “It has been some time since I last composed a poem. Perhaps I shall write that one down. Let them think it is written from a lady’s perspective.”
> 
> [ ](http://s3.photobucket.com/user/shinigami_yumi/media/Musou2_zpset8679b1.jpg.html)
> 
> He doesn’t know when to quit.
> 
> I pull away and move to take the food we have packed with us from our horses. It will not be long before territorial wars break out again. We are soldiers, all of us, whether we stand at the front lines or in the command camps; we know not what to do with ourselves without battles to fight. Best to enjoy the peace while it lasts. I settle beside him under an old peach tree and unwrap the packages. There are three bottles of grape wine, his favourite, in one pack. In the other, there are buns filled with meat and vegetables and...what appear to be the results of an attempt to make onigiri. I pick one up to examine it. It is somewhat round, made with a mixture of black sticky rice and the white rice they usually eat, perhaps in an effort to achieve the texture of Japanese rice I once told him of, and lightly seasoned with what appears to be minced salted fish.
> 
> “I doubt it is precisely what you were thinking of, but the chefs surely did their best with only my description to go on. Try it.”
> 
> I take a bite, half of the one I’m holding, to find that it is filled with flakes of fresh fish grilled in something very close to tare. While it isn’t exactly what I was looking for, “It’s delicious.” Onigiri and yakizakana literally rolled into one. For once, it seems as if I’ve expected too little. [9]
> 
> “Is it?” He seems delighted by my appraisal.
> 
> I hold out the remaining half to him, and he eats it, swirling his tongue around my fingers to clean the rice off them. “Mm, I should have them make this more often.”
> 
> He pulls me closer, and I roll my eyes as I settle against his side and rest my head on his shoulder. “Let me instruct the chefs myself next time.”
> 
> “Hmph. Teach them to make something else from your home.”
> 
> He hands me a dish of wine, and I drink it. For a time, we eat in silence, feeding each other more often than not. Knowing that he will someday usurp the Emperor’s throne just as Tokugawa usurps my lord’s rule makes me wary of him, and yet, if the Emperor is truly a waste of life as I have heard, then could it be the best for the people that he seizes control? For all intents and purposes, his family already rules the land, and Emperor Xian is the Emperor in name alone. Moreover, if he doesn’t seize power, history will change, and who knows what will become of China, if it will ever be unified? Yet, if I can accept that, could it not be the best for the people to let Tokugawa seize power? With the majority of the daimyō on his side, he effectively rules the land already, and Hideyori is also the ruler only nominally. What if Tokugawa will keep Japan unified and peaceful like Hideyori cannot? What is the true injustice, preserving the Taikō’s rule without knowing the kind of ruler Hideyori will become or letting Tokugawa seize power knowing that he is a dishonest man? Perhaps I am merely acting on my emotions — Lord Hideyoshi for raising me as a son and Cao Pi for making me feel treasured. [10]
> 
> “I suppose you want some gratitude?” I ask bitterly. No, no, there is no room for doubt. Tokugawa has already proven that he cannot be trusted. Hideyori is young; he can be molded into an ideal ruler. The other three tairō believe this as well. Damn him for making me question this fight. [11]
> 
> He slaps me on the shoulder. “Stop it. We’ve been through this.”
> 
> When I turn to answer, I stop, stiffening. “Kiyomasa.” Remembering the flower, I remove it from my hair hurriedly and clamber to my feet. He stands a distance away, frozen and staring at us.
> 
> Cao Pi only looks from me to Kiyomasa briefly before starting on another bun. I walk towards Kiyomasa, hoping he doesn’t intend to discuss the merits of siding with Tokugawa. I’m not in any frame of mind to champion my own ideals right now. I hate that I wasn’t when he left either.
> 
> Sometimes, I feel so powerless.
> 
> And yet, that doesn’t mean I can give up. If no one checks and questions them, the daimyō will revel in injustice and dishonesty for their own selfish ambitions; I’ve seen that in all my years beside Lord Hideyoshi. I hate that the Uesugi, Sakon and I are the only people who truly care about this anymore.
> 
> “Mitsunari,” he begins and stops. A series of emotions flash by on his face before he schools his expression into something more becoming of a highly ranked samurai: stoicism. “I came to ask you to return home with me.” His tone suggests he already knows my answer, and in one sentence, it is the most stilted and awkward conversation I have ever had.
> 
> I smile sadly. “Unless you mean you’ve found a way back to our time, I am home already.” We had a home until he left it, but the obvious is better left unsaid. This is the path he has chosen.
> 
> He slams his fist into the nearest tree trunk with such force, the wood cracks and the leaves and flowers scatter about us. “I understand,” he says slowly, as if with great effort. Then he turns. He walks away. Again, I try not to think, but even that doesn’t hurt as much as it once did. After several steps, he breaks into a run. Behind me, Cao Pi pours himself another dish of grape wine. I don’t move for a long time.

Sakon is arranging markers on the large map of Japan spread out between us. The other daimyō will be back tomorrow to discuss the campaign further, but we need a plan to start from. I am working on what I do best: logistics and supply lines, leaving the actual campaign planning to Sakon. Sakon suggests we take Fushimi castle first to open a path to Kyoto and the fiefs beyond. It is a sound idea. However, knowing its strategic value, Tokugawa will be expecting the siege.

Next to me, Yoshitsugu reminds us that Fushimi Castle was recently rebuilt by Tokugawa himself and is fairly well fortified. The siege will not be a simple matter. Moreover, Torii Mototada, one of Tokugawa’s retainers who is overseeing the castle, is loyal to a fault; he will defend the castle to his last and draw out the battle as much as possible, even sacrifice himself. While we are kept busy at Fushimi, Tokugawa could attack some other strategic points, and we wouldn’t have consolidated our forces sufficiently to defend them.

I am glad we share the same concerns. 

Before Sakon can continue, a page runs in and whispers something to him, handing him a small sheet of paper. He nods, sending the boy away, before reading the message.

He seems to hesitate for a moment before reporting, “My lord, as you know, my father-in-law is a physician. Recently, he was summoned to Katō Kiyomasa’s residence. While he was there, he overheard that Katō Kiyomasa and Fukushima Masanori have formalized their alliance with Tokugawa Ieyasu.”

Both Sakon and Yoshitsugu look expectantly at me. To be more precise, Sakon looks and Yoshitsugu turns. I don’t know if the silence in the room can get any more strained. I curl my fingers in my kimono sleeve. What can I say? I had hoped he’d change his mind.

Instead, I ask, “Has he taken ill?”

Again, Sakon hesitates, longer this time. “My father-in-law believes it is syphilis.”

I stiffen. “How long?”

“Judging by the symptoms, he estimates about two months.”

I close my eyes. Relations between us have been strained for far longer, but I didn’t think it would lead to this. Or to him joining Tokugawa. “How bad?”

“Just a rash, irritating at best.”

I wonder how, then realize it doesn’t matter anymore. I nod. “Then the stubborn fool will insist on participating.”

“Mitsunari,” Yoshitsugu speaks up at last. “Should that be your primary concern?”

I smile thinly. “We were close. Once. That was a long time ago.”

To my surprise, both my companions sigh in relief.

_Oh._

Suddenly, I feel exhausted.

“Let’s resume this tomorrow.”

I rise without waiting for a response and retire to my room. I head directly to bed and lie down. As I am about to snuff out the lights, however, the book on the writing table catches my eye.

Something about it... I have to read it. I move to take it and open to where I left off. The next piece is a poem, A Song of Yan. It is...terribly sad, written from the perspective of a lady pining for her husband who is far away from their home. Perhaps Cao Pi thinks his wife feels this way when he is away at war? Or perhaps...

No, I know not what other possibilities there are. Putting the depressing thoughts out of my head, I turn instead to the next memoir entry.

> _Finally, I am Emperor, and that puppet is free to waste his life in Shanyang instead of taking up unneeded space in court. My father’s old enemy, Liu Bei, appears offended by this and has declared himself Emperor as well. Closer to home, I fear my brothers still harbour dissent over my position._
> 
> _Worse, on top of rumours that Rui is Yuan Xi’s son and not mine, now gossip spreads of Zhen’s affair with my brother, Zhi. Is she truly so upset at being left at Yecheng as Nüwang suggests? Even so, a romantic liaison with my brother! I doubt the veracity of these tales, and yet... Would she do so simply to spite me, knowing of my rivalry with Zhi? The least she could do was be discreet, that our family name will not be so sullied._
> 
> _I can get no rest. I must deal with these matters swiftly._
> 
> _As I was wandering the palace gardens perpending these problems, I saw a lady passing by. She had beautiful copper hair and almond-shaped brown eyes set in an oval face. Her skin is not as fair as some of the other ladies I have seen at court, but the tone matches her hair. I have never seen her before, and yet, something about her seems familiar. I wonder who she is. Perhaps I can get a better look tomorrow._

I am light-headed before I realize I have been holding my breath. Copper hair and almond-shaped brown eyes in an oval face... An uncanny coincidence.

I shut the book because my eyes refuse to focus on the page and put the lights out. Outside the window, the full moon taunts me, and though I toss and turn, despite my exhaustion, sleep remains far. The girl described in the book plagues me, and I know not why.

At length, I give up, throwing off the blanket and slipping out. I should check on Yoshitsugu. It was unkind of me to simply leave him in the care of others earlier. If he found out, Kanetsugu would surely chastise me for being inconsiderate when he arrives tomorrow. The last thing I need to hear is another of his love and honour tirades.

“Mitsunari..?”

I freeze, my hand on the partly open door. “Why are you still awake?”

“Why are you?” he ripostes, turning bodily towards me as much as he can manage.

I enter the room and sit down beside him. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He smiles. “Me neither.” Some of the lesions on his face crack and he winces. In the moonlight, I can make out what is likely pus and blood oozing from them.

“Don’t move,” I tell him, rising. “I’ll get something to clean that with.”

I fetch a clean washcloth from the other side of the room and return. Ideally, I would use one of the herbal tisanes used for cleaning wounds, but we don’t have time for that, so I dampen it with clean water.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as I dab gently at his face with it.

I shake my head before remembering that he can’t see. “Don’t apologize. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I dragged you into this. I... In Korea...”

“Stop,” he hisses. “I don’t regret any of it.”

I sigh, disposing of the cloth. I think to leave, but finally lie down close beside him instead and shut my eyes against the vexing light. “If sleep will not come, then let us at least have each other’s company.”

At that, Yoshitsugu reaches out to take my hand. “I would like that.”

**~III~**

> I doubt anyone foresaw that killing a Hydra head with the Yashiori would create a clone of Orochi when they built the machine, but knowing in advance doesn’t make the entire battle less harrowing. No one has forgotten Orochi’s strength, and the prospect of fighting two is almost worse than the reality. The clones are as pitiful and pathetic as I’d heard, however, and I make short work of them with my men.
> 
> Cao Pi and his unit run in only minutes later, his wife close behind. “Mitsunari!”
> 
> I turn, frowning. “I’m fine, you fool. Quit calling out my name like that.”
> 
> “You’re a hard worker, Mitsunari,” he remarks, slowing as he comes to stand beside me where I am gazing upon the crumbling remains of an Orochi clone. “Have you finally found a cause worth fighting for?”
> 
> I hide a smile. “I visited the camp they’ve set up in the future. I had no idea how difficult boredom could be. I had to come back here to get you.”
> 
> “Hmm, you are good,” Zhen Ji adds, slipping her arm through her husband’s. “I suppose that is why I approved of you in the first place.”
> 
> In the distance, I hear Sima Yi calling for Cao Pi. How annoying. The mere sound of his voice grates on my nerves.
> 
> The prince sighs wearily. “Zhen, will you see what he wants? You alone have the grace to deal with him presently.”
> 
> She twirls on her heel. “If my lord wishes it. I aim to please.”
> 
> She departs in graceful strides, and the shouting dies down minutes later. She must have found Sima Yi. Alone now amidst the snow, Cao Pi rests his forehead on my shoulder.
> 
> “This is where we died in the original timeline, is it not?”
> 
> I nod. “Don’t get sentimental on me.”
> 
> He laughs at that. “How could this be the end... Others may break, but we will stand steadfast, Mitsunari. We have yet to change the world together.”
> 
>  
> 
> I pour us both another dish of wine as we sit at the camp’s teahouse, gazing up at the moon. It is bright, round and clear. I suppose that might have to do with Kaguya’s presence here. I’ve always believed in the gods, certainly, but in an abstract sort of way. I never put much stock in myths, but after all this business with Orochi, Da Ji and such, I wasn’t even surprised when Susano-o showed up with Nezha. Time travel with a moon goddess? It is almost to be expected now.
> 
> “Perhaps it is a worthwhile endeavour to relax like this from time to time,” Cao Pi remarks. He finishes the last of the teacakes and rises, taking my hand to pull me up with him. “Walk with me.”
> 
> As it turns out, his definition of walk is to ride our horses out of the camp to explore the surrounding area. Neither of us have seen what became of the world in the timeline where the Hydra destroyed everything, after all.
> 
> The earth is charred. Lava runs in the cracks left by the constant upheaval. All the vegetation is dead. What little hasn’t burned or withered away will soon follow. All around us, stretching into the horizon, there is nothing but this endless desolation. We continue on, letting the horses trot towards a nearby rise. We cannot go too far lest the demon hordes spot and hunt us, blocking off our escape.
> 
> “This world is dying.”
> 
> I glance at my companion. “Disappointed that there is no empire left to conquer?”
> 
> Cao Pi shakes his head. “I fear our time grows short. The death of the Hydra may bring rebirth, but it may also destroy this land irreparably.”
> 
> We crest the rise and dismount. Illuminated by the brilliant light of the full moon, the landscape looks like a scene imagined out of the horror stories I heard as a child. Atop the rise, there are a few dead trees, their gnarled branches stretching out towards the sky in a mimicry of life. At their feet, some grass remains, long and dry. Beside me, our hands intertwined, the Prince of Wei continues to stare out into the horizon.
> 
> At length, he asks, “What is your birth name? I heard you discard them at your coming of age ceremony while we keep ours.”
> 
> I wonder whom he asked. “Sakichi.” Only those who knew me before my genpuku know this name. [12]
> 
> “Sakichi...” he repeats it softly as if feeling out the pronunciation. “If I call you that...”
> 
> “I don’t mind,” I decide, turning to face him. “But only when we are alone. Say it again.”
> 
> He does, pulling me to the ground as we kiss, and the syllables tingle down my spine. The dry grass is scratchy but soft. We make short work of our clothes. I’ve missed this.
> 
> “Sakichi,” he gasps, and when oiled fingers find my entrance, I realize he’d planned this all along.
> 
> “Spoiled, possessive, lecherous little prince,” I groan, but my fingers tangle in his hair, and I pull him closer to me, needing to feel his skin on mine.
> 
> He presses into me soon enough, and we don’t last long. The last time seems like forever ago. When it’s over, he doesn’t move, just keeps up his attentions. Neither of us are easily satisfied.
> 
> He brushes his lips over my skin, travelling down. “Mitsunari. Do you think..?”
> 
> “We will emerge victorious. I know your talent all too well, Cao Pi. We’ve been in this together for far too long.” So long that I’ve come to depend on you, that I’d give you everything I once thought I could only sacrifice for an honourable cause. Damn you, Cao Pi; you’ve ruined everything.
> 
> He takes me into his mouth, and I cry out his name. He’s never... Shit, has he ever in his life? My fingers scrabble for purchase on the grass, and my back arches involuntarily. It’s a flash of steel in the moonlight that grounds me, and I tense as he pulls away. His dark eyes meet mine, and I can’t look away.
> 
> “Let me mark you,” he whispers, his lips wet, chafed. “I want something you will feel always, something that won’t let you forget me, no matter what happens after this.” The steel is a small dagger, likely ceremonial or decorative for all its utility in a fight.
> 
> “I can never get rid of you,” I answer, just as softly.
> 
> “Say it.”
> 
> “Yes.” I flop back. “Yes.”
> 
> I barely feel the knife beyond the pleasure. Even the sting when he licks off the blood has nothing on the suggestive wetness it leaves on my inner thighs. I don’t notice when he is done; by the time he slides back into me, I can barely even think.
> 
> “Sakichi,” he moans, pressing his lips between my shoulderblades, holding me as he thrusts into that place inside again.
> 
> Maybe I whimper his name; I don’t know. I’m almost—
> 
> “I love you.”

I cry out sharply as I come, jolting awake. My clothes are a mess, and I can barely remember... the mark? I move the layers of cloth away to examine my inner thigh.

It’s there.

By the gods, _it is there_.

A scar. From the cut of a knife. It’s...in the shape of the character, Pi. As in... Cao Pi’s given name? It cannot be possible. How...

I bury my head in my hands.

Cao Pi. It’s him. I’m sure of it. And this is no mere dream. But I can’t remember his face.

I think. I try.

But nothing. _Nothing_.

I choke back a sob. I don’t know how. And I can’t recall even a fragment of this terribly important detail.

Why can’t I remember his face?!

“Hm? Are you all right, dear?”

I start. That’s right. It is Hatsune’s first night back from talking her family into switching sides. Oddly enough, she has more clout in the Sanada clan than Yukimura does, perhaps because Masayuki adores her, and the clan head has decided to take this gamble. That is fortunate. It would be terrible for Yoshitsugu to know his daughter is with the enemy. Nobuyuki remains with Tokugawa, however, perhaps as a safety net or because of his wife, Inahime.

She sits up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What’s the matter?” She follows my gaze. “Oh, what’s this?” Her tone turns playful. “Greatness?” She reaches out to trace the scar with her fingertips. “What an interesting way to express your ambition, dear.” [13]

The rush of heat that washes over me fills me with guilt.

Then she really looks and chuckles, assessing the situation in an instant. “Have you missed me so much that even that kind of dream leaves you wanting?” she asks teasingly, shifting closer.

I pull her into my lap, taking the escape route offered. “Of course. You’ve only just returned, and soon, I must send you away again.” It is not a lie, not precisely, but that doesn’t lessen my contrition. I slide her kimono off her shoulders and pepper her milky skin with kisses. “Take the children with you to Ueda Castle. It is safer for you there.” I trail my fingers up her inner thigh in a feather-light caress. “And if things do not go as planned... Tokugawa may yet spare the Sanada for Nobuyuki’s sake.”

Hatsune cups my face in her hands. “You sound just like Masayuki now.” She tilts her face to capture my mouth with her own, and I wrap my arms around her. “Promise me,” she whispers sternly when she pulls away. “You’ll spend more time with the children before we leave.”

“I will.”

I roll us over to lie atop her. She smiles up at me, open and inviting, and I bury my face in her bosom to hide my guilt and shame. I do love my wife, but it is not her touch I crave right now, not her face I see when I close my eyes. It dishonours her that this faceless man that haunts my dreams clouds even my waking desires, but I cannot say that, should not even think that. Not when we will soon be apart again.

Mouthing at her too-soft curves, my searching hand finds her opening. She’s ready, and my touch elicits a whimper. When I brush my slick fingers over that nub just above, she hushes her cries with her arm.

“Please, love,” she breathes, holding me to her. “Mitsunari...”

I oblige her, keeping my hand between us to stroke her, and she tightens around me, drawing me deeper with her legs. My insides clench with desire at the memory of doing much the same to another, to a man I cannot even possibly have met.

Damn it.

My hips jerk involuntarily, and I take her, settling into a rhythm. She comes, muffling a long moan in my shoulder and burying her hands in my hair. I keep going, and she sobs with ecstasy as I continue to tease her between thrusts, nuzzling her hair.

Long, black hair.

“Sakichi,” his voice gasps in my memory.

 _Gods_.

My hips snap into her, and I see stars.

A moment later, Hatsune screams my name, and I’m left to hope I didn’t scream another’s.

 

I watch the boys sparring with each other in the courtyard, the book held to my chest. I see now why reading it always comforted me, always seemed so vital. I read the girls the excerpts of the Dianlun earlier, and the texts make me smile with half-remembered impressions. Try as I might, I still cannot remember his face, but I’ve found copies of his portraits, and I like to think the way my imagination fills out the painted lines is the reality. After the excerpts, there is another entry.

> _I had words with Zhen. She denied the rumours of a romantic liaison. She demanded that I bring her to Luoyang and name her Empress as is her due._
> 
> _Truthfully, Nüwang is the better suited. She is highly educated with a sharp and flexible intellect. As such, she will govern well in my place with the aid of the advisors if needed. Of all my consorts, Sima Yi disdains her the least, which facilitates court affairs in my absence._
> 
> _Upon hearing of my intent to choose Nüwang instead, Zhen threw a tantrum, refusing to listen to reason. Weeping and wailing that I love her no longer, she threatened suicide. Appalled at her changed behaviour on top of all the gossip she has fed and my time she has wasted to deal with this, I told her she could do or think as she pleased and departed._
> 
> _The following morning, word reached me that she has drowned herself in the nearby river._
> 
> _To think I once admired her grace so._
> 
> _Rui was silent in his grief when I had him brought to Luoyang. While I would prefer to oversee it myself in light of our long relationship, I left Zhen’s burial arrangements to Nüwang._
> 
> _There are more urgent matters for my consideration. War has broken out between Sun Quan and Liu Bei’s forces. Sun Quan has offered to be a vassal of my Empire, likely afraid we will attack while he is busy on another front. Indeed, Liu Ye suggests that I do just that._
> 
> _Truthfully, I fear a coup while we fight this war. Many of the nobles secretly refuse to acknowledge my legitimacy, claiming I am an usurper with no royal blood whose family has defied the mandate of heaven for years before showing our true colours. They think I do not hear their treacherous whispers. Sima Yi too harbours usurpative ambitions. But not yet. Not yet. I know him. He will not make his move so soon. For if he takes the throne now, he will only face the same problems I do. Whether I mobilize the warlords I know are loyal or the ones I suspect, I risk an uprising. On the other hand, if I do not move against Sun Quan now, the opportunity may be lost to me forever._
> 
> _Which is the right course of action: to aggressively pursue my dream and risk what I already have or to secure my rule and forego my ambitions? I must decide soon._
> 
> _Today, I finally found the time to spend a day with my new consort, Yin. The people say, perhaps rightly, that she is not the fairest of my concubines, but with her copper tresses framing her proud oval face, her brown eyes warm and her delicate frame wrapped in the finest deep pink and white silks, somehow, she is perfect. Sometimes, I think she reminds me of someone, but I cannot say whom._
> 
> _Over tea, we converse, and she is unexpectedly vapid. How dull. Still, she makes up for it by being an accomplished musician and dancer. Eventually, I have her do what she does best, and it is a delight to watch. Perhaps I will open an Imperial Dance School. She will flourish under my watchful gaze._

I look up when I hear Sakon approach and listen as he stops to give the boys some pointers and correct Shigenari’s form. He’s better with a sword than I am. There is a reason it is not my weapon of choice. When he’s seen that they’re implementing his advice, he comes to sit beside me.

“I hear from my lady that she is taking them to Ueda Castle next week.”

I nod. “That is safer for them.”

Turning to me, he says, ”We should have assassinated him when we had the chance.”

“Sakon, say no more.” I place my hands on his shoulders. “What’s done is done. Perhaps we are meant to defeat him in his numbers, in his faith and in his strength and show the people that justice will prevail. Then our hearts and minds will truly be united beneath my crest, and Lord Hideyoshi’s ideal Japan can finally be realized.”

He covers my hands with his own. “You seem at peace.”

I let my eyes fall to the book on my lap. What he sees in Lady Yin... It cannot be coincidence. “I am.”

**~IV~**

> “Do you think we’ve finally seen the end of Orochi?” I ask Cao Pi as we walk together in the courtyard.
> 
> “Hmph. Assuming Nüwa can deliver on what she promised my father, perhaps. But we have captured neither Kiyomori nor Da Ji.” He crosses his arms, expression stern. “I doubt we’ve seen the last of them. This is no time to be complacent.”
> 
> In the distance, I hear the sound of galloping hooves, and I stop before the castle gates to look. On the horizon, I see the silhouette of a single rider. A messenger, most likely.
> 
> Still, Cao Pi reaches for his weapon, and I grip mine as well.
> 
> When the rider comes closer, I relax. I would recognize Sakon anywhere. We haven’t spoken since we landed here. I hear he has been helping Sun Ce of Wu in the meantime and was instrumental in bringing together the coalition against the demon forces.
> 
> Beside me, Cao Pi relaxes as well. “A friend of yours, I take it?”
> 
> Technically my vassal, but my friend above all. “Yes. Shima Sakon, an ingenious military strategist and tactician. You may have heard of his exploits here.”
> 
> He nods. “Will he join us, do you think?” As usual, the Prince of Wei is primarily concerned with gathering allies towards his ambition.
> 
> “That is my hope,” I answer, never taking my eyes off the approaching tactician.
> 
> “Would you prefer a reception prepared or shall I have someone bring you your horse?”
> 
> “Will he be impressed or should you let me talk him into joining us personally? The latter.”
> 
> He chuckles, squeezing my shoulder and touching his lips to my temple after checking for bystanders. “I’m pleased you are on my side.” His hand lingers as he leaves.
> 
> Some minutes later, Sakon slows his light grey horse to a stop before me and starts to dismount.
> 
> “Wait,” I tell him, catching sight of the page leading Raiga over. A gift from Cao Pi, it is a sleek stallion with silvery white fur, cousin to his own. I stroke its mane and mount. “Let us go somewhere.” [14]
> 
> “My lord.” The boy holds out a bottle to me. “Compliments of His Highness, the Prince of Wei. He says, if it pleases you, I am to taste it to prove it isn’t poisoned.”
> 
> Sakon raises an eyebrow, and I laugh, taking the wine. Such cheek. “Tell him I insist he does his poison-tasting personally.”
> 
> “Yes, my lord.” The boy bows and hurries off.
> 
> I lead us out of the gates and east after a moment’s consideration. The peach garden is as good a place as any and one of the most beautiful locales in the vicinity. I’m fond of it for many reasons. The temple I first met Lord Hideyoshi in was surrounded by peach trees. At the edge of the garden, there is a small lake. Despite being only a fraction of the size, it reminds me of Lake Biwa, of home. I discovered it here on my way to the castle for the first time and brought Cao Pi here for the oath of brotherhood.
> 
> Glancing sideways at Sakon, I open with, “Good work getting those stubborn old men to work together on that final battle. An impressive feat to be sure. Yukimura and Kanetsugu tell me it was all thanks to your efforts. A respectable showing, comparatively speaking, of course. I’d expect nothing less of you.”
> 
> My companion laughs heartily at this. “To think I’d hear such extravagant praise from my lord. What a rich reward! Where did I go right?”
> 
> I flush. “Hmph. I see you don’t need my praise. That should teach me to keep my mouth shut.”
> 
> “Ah, if only I could have taught you that years ago...”
> 
> My sharp glare suffices to cut him off, and he laughs as we dismount. According to what passes for seasons in this strange land, it is evidently time to harvest peaches. The branches are heavy with ripe fruit, and I reach up to pluck some after we tether our horses to the trees. I toss a few to Sakon as we sit below a cluster of trees at the edge of the lake. The peaches are fragrant and sweet, and I sip from a dish of the rice wine that Sakon has poured out to find that Cao Pi has gifted us a particularly fine vintage.
> 
> Sakon stretches, his joints cracking audibly, and leans back against a tree trunk. “Ah, delicious wine, succulent food and pleasant company... What more could a person want?”
> 
> “Justice, apparently,” I quip, hiding a coy smirk with my wine dish.
> 
> “Hahaha! Marvelous! I chose my lord well.” He finishes another dish of wine with a satisfied smile. “You’re making jokes again, back like when we first met. That is certainly reward enough for me.”
> 
> We continue eating peaches and drinking wine. Sakon kicks his shoes off and slides forward to dip his feet in the water, lying down. After a moment’s consideration, I join him. To think we haven’t had drinks together like this since we were back home. It seems so long ago now. We went from living in the same castle to never seeing each other throughout two wars against Orochi. It’s a strange feeling.
> 
> “What are your plans after this?” I ask after some time has passed in silence, taking another bite of peach.
> 
> The sky is blue, the water is cool where it laps at our feet, and the tree leaves rustling in the breeze lend a sense of tranquility. This is peace like I haven’t felt it since I was a page in that little temple in Omi.
> 
> “Oh, perhaps wander for a bit, explore this world and relax with the ladies. And then I promised Sun Ce I’d be back, so I’ll probably head there next.”
> 
> I think on this for a moment, and I know the answer even before I ask my next question. “Will you not consider joining me here in Luoyang?”
> 
> Sakon sits up to refill our wine dishes. “Nah, you’re doing excellently here. You don’t need my help.”
> 
> He looks over at me as I sit up as well and meet his gaze. “I don’t recall asking for any help. What I want is to have my best friend back.” I smile wistfully. “I can’t buy your heart again?”
> 
> He laughs, putting an arm around my shoulders in a hug. “You can’t buy what’s already yours, my lord.” Letting me go, he finishes off the wine and stands, stretching once more. “But I’ve got promises to keep, so I’d best go make it a heart worth owning by keeping them.”
> 
> “Fair enough,” I concede, finishing my wine as well. “I shall be satisfied with these results for now. But I expect to see you again when that’s done.”
> 
> “Hehe... I feel as if I’m wanted.” He holds out his hand, and I let him help me up. “It’s not bad.”
> 
> “Only not bad? What, are you trying to bring a tear to my eye or something?”
> 
> Sakon bursts out laughing again as we walk to the horses together. “Ahh, that’s the spirit! You know, I’m never sorry to see you, my lord, but I must admit I’ve missed the Ishida Mitsunari I met about fifteen years ago, that tactless brilliant upstart with a will to win as strong as his hatred of injustice.” He claps me on the shoulder as we untether the horses. “Not that I’m saying you’ve changed for the worse. Indeed, like a fine wine, you’ve only grown better with time. But this man... Cao Pi, is it? He’s good for you. He’s reignited that fire I saw in your eyes before the thunderstorm surrounding Lord Hideyoshi’s passing extinguished it a few years back.”
> 
> I realize I’ve been gaping for several moments and hurriedly fumble for something to say. “I... He... He treats me like a princess.” The protest sounds pathetic even to my ears. Fortunately, no one is looking, since Sakon is busy mounting his horse.
> 
> “Hah! Well, I’ll be. Is that the secret?”
> 
> “W—What? Don’t kid yourself, Sakon. That was a complaint.”
> 
> “Well, whatever it is, my lord, you should stay with him. It’s hard enough to put a smile on your face as it is, and he’s doing too impressive of a job to let him quit now.”
> 
> With that, he sets off at a steady gallop with a wave of his hand, leaving me standing dumbfounded in the garden. After several moments, I mount my horse as well and steer it towards Luoyang. As I pass the trees, I pluck some fruits for Cao Pi. He always did like peaches.

The rain beats heavily on the tent, and I can’t help feeling sorry for all the soldiers stationed outside digging trenches unsheltered. It has been pouring all night. As if even the heavens oppose the way our realm has been sundered. Yukimura is with his father, delaying Tokugawa Hidetada and his men at Ueda. They will emerge victorious, I know. With Sanada Masayuki at the helm and Yukimura on the front lines, Ueda Castle is unbreachable. Kanetsugu is busy circling around towards us through Tōhoku, so we can catch Tokugawa between us. Yukinaga is likely praying in his tent not too far away. Beside me, Sakon and Yoshitsugu are finalizing battle plans, strategies and contingencies. For all that Mōri Terumoto is the leader of our alliance, he isn’t even here, but we have found more allies than I’d dared to hope, and for that, I am thankful.

I listen and nod. All I can think of is how much of a strain this will put on Yoshitsugu’s already fragile health and how badly I wish not to see Kiyomasa out there in the morning. This battle yields no answers for me. Eventually, we all stop to rest, but sleep remains a distant blessing. I imagine Tokugawa too will not find sleep tonight.

At length, the rain lightens up.

“It’s time,” Yoshitsugu says softly beside me. “If I don’t move my men now, we will not be in position in time.”

Sakon nods and exits to summon my friend’s retainers. As I help Yoshitsugu to his feet, I’m gripped with a sense of finality. I throw my arms around him and press my lips to his. He makes a sound of protest. I ignore it and kiss him until he gingerly returns the embrace.

“Thank you,” I whisper, pulling away to bury my face in his shoulder. “Thank you for being here. For always being here. I... I’ve regretted letting you go to this day.”

“Don’t be silly, Mitsunari.” He runs his hands over my back. “The last thing I want is for you to end up like this.”

“Come back to me,” I tell him as Sakon returns with Yuasa Gosuke to carry him into his palanquin.

He nods. “After this battle is won,” he promises as they leave.

Alone in the tent, I take the book from where I’ve kept it. I carry it with me everywhere now, reading it whenever I can. Fittingly enough, after an article on civil service, the next two poems are collectively The Campaign Against Wu. In the first, he is eager to finally embark on this expansion of his empire. In the second, he is frustrated by the fruitlessness of the campaign and decides to abandon it. I frown. It seems almost a bad omen. I turn to the entry that follows it.

> _Finally, I am home. Too many months in a foreign land surrounded by enemies. Now that my reign is secure, I’d hoped to expand. Sun Quan declaring independence only justified my incursion. Yet, Liu Ye was right, and the stars will not align for this venture again as it did in the first year of my reign. Still, what’s done is done. No use worrying about it. Things like these happen every so often. Perhaps Heaven created the Yangtze to divide the north and the south._
> 
> _Nüwang has proven to indeed be the correct choice for Empress. Government affairs are in order, and things are running smoothly in the palace. It is unfortunate that she remains childless. If I could only have a son of my cunning and her intellect, he would make a most excellent heir._
> 
> _While in the land of Wu, I found a lone survivor of a village that was caught in the battles, a young girl of twenty years at best. When she awoke after being treated by the physicians, we conversed briefly. Not recognizing me without the crests and standards, she was witty and sarcastic. I found her sense of humour refreshing. Even her ignorant rudeness was oddly endearing. Of course, it wasn’t long before she discovered who I was, and she was immediately outraged by my attack on her homeland leading to the destruction of her village, the injustice of innocents dying in war, saying I should have left her to die instead of taking her prisoner like a trophy._
> 
> _I let her go._
> 
> _I found her again, only a day later, backing away from a few of my men towards the edge of a cliff. After reprimanding them for propagating a poor image of us in lands that will soon be ours, I asked if she still wanted to leave. She did not answer, but followed me when I left. Later, I asked if she would serve her country. After a moment’s pause, she shook her head, claiming that she now owes me her life twice over and cannot raise her hand against me._
> 
> _I will officially create her as my consort at tomorrow’s banquet. Her name is Ren._
> 
> _Sometimes, I think if only there were some way to combine Nüwang, Yin and Ren into a single person of Liu’s bloodline, I would have my ideal partner. I wonder if such a lady even exists._
> 
> _Sima Yi is as dissatisfied with the results of the campaign as I am. It won’t be long before he ropes Liu Ye into helping him plan another attack, but it will be at least a year before we have resources to devote to another deployment of such magnitude, so I have time to rest yet. I used to think if you believe in victory, it will be realized. Yet, even with the Emperor’s throne beneath me, I am no closer to unifying the land than my father was, no closer to achieving my own dream. Is this the end?_
> 
> _I grow weary. Perhaps I will not live to see these lands as one._

My vision slips out of focus as I continue to stare at the last line. I cannot shake this sense of foreboding. I pull myself together and put the book away. Outside, the rain has stopped completely, and the sun is rising. When I step out of the tent, I am overcome by thick fog. I take a few steps forward and catch a glimpse of Sakon. Moving closer, I find him surveying the surroundings. I do the same, crossing my arms.

“We can’t see in this fog,” I remark at last.

Sakon turns to look at me and begins pacing thoughtfully. “I guarantee you the enemy is out there. We have the advantage of the terrain. If our allies do as we have told them, when we attack, the enemy will fall. But still... The problem is Ieyasu has deliberately taken up a position there. A very bold move.” He circles behind me. “And... He has the people’s support.”

“The people?” I turn, indignant. “His supporters are vermin! All they seek is profit.”

My friend continues to face away from me. “You think that the people support you?”

“That’s right.” I circle around him to look him in the eye. “Kanetsugu and I will attack from both sides. Yukimura will take a threatening stance at Ueda to shake the enemy. They are at the mercy of our blades.”

“A grand strategy,” he agrees, pacing once more to put some distance between us. “With the entire land of Japan as the battlefield. However... it won’t work.”

That’s right. Victories are made long before the battle begins, he says. He’s been saying this almost since we started. That it’s too late. That we missed our chance. That we should have counteracted Tokugawa Ieyasu’s influence earlier, when Lord Hideyoshi was still alive. That we should have assassinated the schemer and ended the problem when we could. That I should have listened to him. Once again, that sense of foreboding I felt from earlier besets me, and even the confidence I felt in our plans from a moment ago evaporates like the rainwater that formed this fog. I don’t know what else to do.

“Sakon...”

Finally, he turns to look at me.

“I beg you.” He’s still the world’s greatest military strategist, right? “I... want to win.”

“Heh.” Sakon walks towards me. “Well, you don’t have to tell me that.” He claps me on the shoulder as he passes. “I’ll do what I can. And when the dust settles, you just may find yourself to be proven right.”

I turn as he heads out to get started. “Sakon!”

He pauses midstep.

“I... I am lucky to have someone as dependable as you on my side. Please. I’m counting on you.”

With a nod, he walks away. I watch him until he disappears from view before hurrying to my own tasks. They may match us for numbers but never for quality; isn’t that right? Sakon gives me hope. I won’t stop trying until the moment of my death. It’ll take something special to stop me, to stop us. Together, we can change the world.

**~V~**

> We are keeping the demon hordes at bay when they suddenly start fleeing. Beside me, Cao Pi cuts down one last demon before glancing towards the centre of this place.
> 
> “Perhaps they run for they sense their master is slain,” he posits, although he cannot possibly see where his father and the other leaders are fighting the reborn Orochi.
> 
> I lower my weapon. There is no enemy left to fight here. “Reform the ranks!” I command anyway. One can never be too careful in this world of chaos.
> 
> As the soldiers hurry to obey, I hear a deep rumble in the earth. Cao Pi turns to me.
> 
> “Do you hear t—”
> 
> The ground heaves suddenly, interrupting him, and I struggle to catch my balance. With a loud crack, it splits between us, and even as I step back to keep from falling into the chasm, he leaps across to my side.
> 
> “Come on!” He grabs my hand. “We need to get out of here!”
> 
> I run with him, jumping over gaps as they form, towards the horses. Just then, a brilliant blue light bursts into the sky. I stop.
> 
> “Look!”
> 
> He does. “What is that?”
> 
> As if in a revelation, it hits me. I’ve seen this light before, once; it seems so long ago now. I turn to grasp him by the shoulders. “Zihuan.”
> 
> His dark eyes meet mine. It has dawned on him too, I see. Finally, I’m going back — just as I always wanted. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.
> 
> “I love you,” I tell him for the first time, urgently, as the light reaches out to us. “I wanted to change the world with you.”
> 
> He pulls me into a tight embrace. “Remember. Always,” he whispers, at once a request and a promise.
> 
> I cling to him, to the happiest of our memories, even as the light tears us apart.
> 
> “MITSUNARI!!!”

I jump awake on the straw. I’m still in the kind villager’s cellar. Yet, by being here, I put him at risk. Tokugawa is hunting me, I know. He cannot risk my rising to fight him again. Already, I hear Sawayama Castle has fallen. Tokugawa beat me to it. My family defended it to their last breath and committed seppuku upon defeat. I am saddened, but proud of them. They, at least, lived up to my expectations.

The floorboards above me lift, and my host climbs down, offering me some water and a bowl of porridge with chives. I give him my thanks. He sits down across from me as I eat. He’s in his thirties and chief of his village, skin tanned from working in the rice fields. I should depart soon. If Tokugawa finds that they are sheltering me, he might slaughter them all.

“I hear news that Shima Sakon escaped, my lord. I thought you might like to know.”

I sigh in relief. It is as if a great weight has been lifted from my chest. “I’m glad. Thank you.” Now I can only pray that he will survive, that Tokugawa will not pursue him as he must be pursuing me.

“Will you rise up against Tokugawa Ieyasu again, my lord?” he asks, as if hearing my thoughts.

“If I can,” I answer honestly. “He has schemed to take control of this land since before the Taikō passed on. Even as he pledged his loyalty to Lord Hideyori, he was gathering supporters to usurp power. How can I sit idly by, knowing he wrongs my late lord’s son and obtained this land unjustly?”

“If you should get the chance once more, tell me, what kind of world would you create?”

I smile wistfully. “A world just like the one Lord Hideyoshi envisioned, back before he was taken by the delusions of grandeur that led him to China and Korea at the people’s expense. A world of peace where everyone can be happy. No more petty wars between the clans, no more dishonesty and politicking among the lords, no more injustice in governance.” Thinking of my friend, Lord Augustin Konishi Yukinaga, I add, “No more persecution of religious groups.” I wonder what became of him after Sekigahara was lost. He wouldn’t have committed seppuku like Yoshitsugu did. The thought brings me a pang of sorrow. Death before dishonour. As he promised, Yoshitsugu was loyal to the last. If only...

He nods. “My lord has governed us well and fairly over the years. I believe that the land will prosper in your hands.” Bowing, he continues, “If you succeed at gathering people to fight the Tokugawa and their allies once more, please remember me, for it would honour me to fight by your side.”

Before I can respond, I hear shouting outside. It seems someone has arrived with a proclamation from Tokugawa. My fingers curl into fists involuntarily, nails digging into my palms. Earlier than I expected. As always, he works fast. I finish my porridge even as my host rises.

“Stay here,” he cautions as he climbs out. “Silently. I will hear the announcement.” Replacing the floorboards, he leaves hurriedly.

Even from where I am, lying on bales of straw beneath the floor, I can hear the shouted proclamation. The people who turn me in will be exempt from annual tax for the rest of their lives. If they bring Tokugawa my head, they will be paid handsomely anyway. If they continue to harbour me and are found out, their entire village will be punished severely, probably slaughtered as I suspected. It doesn’t surprise me that I am wanted alive. Tokugawa wishes to make an example of me by executing me personally. Even so, I know what I must do. The truth is that with Sawayama gone, I have nowhere to go. Given how the last battle cemented Tokugawa’s authority, with this directive out, even Lady Yodo and Lord Hideyori cannot shelter me. I cannot endanger these people, nor any others, any further. With the losses we have suffered at Sekigahara, the daimyō in our coalition will have no choice but to submit to the Tokugawa or be wiped out. It is but a matter of time.

I cannot help but resent the traitors, Kikkawa Hiroie and Kobayakawa Hideaki. We were winning until they defected. I knew, of course, that Kobayakawa never forgave me for having him replaced in Korea and still holds a grudge against me for carrying out Lord Hideyoshi’s orders to execute his brother, but if he had planned to side with Tokugawa Ieyasu, he should have done so from the beginning. When he decided to join us, I thought —foolishly, I realize now— that he meant it. As for dissenters within the Mōri clan... well, how was I to know?

I shake my head to clear it, gripping the book concealed in my clothes for courage, as my host returns. When he lifts the floorboards, I speak without preamble. “Turn me in.”

“My lord,” he protests sadly. “I...”

“Youjirou-san, I heard everything. I cannot endanger your entire village after you have all been so kind to me.”

“Knowing now what an extraordinary man you are, I am even more certain that I cannot allow you to die at Tokugawa Ieyasu’s hands. Speak no more of it. Now, I must tend my fields.”

With that, he slides the floorboards back in place and leaves the house again. I sigh, wondering how a brilliant politician like Cao Pi would convince the man of his folly. I cannot allow him to do this. Before I realize it, hours have passed as I turned the problem over in my mind, and Youjirou has returned. With him, he brings lunch. More porridge, but this time with eggs and vegetables.

“I hope your stomach is feeling better, my lord,” he says as he hands me the food.

I nod and begin eating what may be my last meal. “After this, please turn me in, Youjirou-san.”

He scowls. “I told you to speak no more of it.”

“If you will not turn me in, I will go to Tokugawa myself. Allow me to at least benefit you with the tax exemption in return for your charity,” I tell him wryly.

Instead of a weak chuckle at my attempt at lightheartedness, Youjirou bursts into tears. I stop eating and move closer to squeeze his shoulder.

“Here.” I hand him my wakizashi and the dove crest I received from a temple of Hachiman long ago that I always keep with it. “If I should somehow manage to rise up against Tokugawa Ieyasu again, look upon this and remember your words from this morning. It would be my honour to have you by my side in battle.”

He takes the items, but doesn’t answer, only continues sobbing quietly into his sleeve. I take this to mean that he finally sees things my way. I resume eating. When I am finished, I rise.

“Now, you will have to bind my hands behind my back to make this look believable.”

Still in tears, he helps me climb out of the cellar and coils a strip of cloth around my wrists. Wiping his eyes, he leads me to the door. To my surprise, I see Tokugawa’s men in the distance. They are already here. Someone has already reported me, after all. Concealing my disappointment, I remember Sakon telling me that I should stop holding others to my ideals of how they should be. He would tell me I should have listened to him like I too rarely do even though he’s always right. Cao Pi would likely call me a fool for never learning any better. I really should stop expecting so much.

Behind me, Youjirou gasps. “A traitor! Who could possibly hav—”

“One last thing,” I interrupt firmly, not wanting to hear his tirade. It would only anger me, and there is nothing I can do but feel helpless. “I know not if my sons have survived. Would you do me the honour of carrying on the name of Ishida? At least, that way, some legacy of my clan shall live on.”

He falls to his knees. “My lord, it is more than I deserve,” he wails.

“Your hospitality is more than I deserve, my brother. Now rise. You mustn’t let them see you like this.”

He does, wiping at his face once more, and I let him lead me to face my fate.

 

To my surprise, I will not be executed alone. Yukinaga is there, as if in answer to my pondering on his fate, along with Ankokuji Ekei. He is at once surprised and grieved to see me.

“Mitsunari,” he murmurs as I am pushed to my knees beside him. “I had hoped that you, at least, might have escaped.” As if I carry all his hopes for an ideal future.

It is more than I can bear.

I shake my head, having no answer to that. Surely, he realizes we have nowhere left to run, and yet...

Tokugawa Ieyasu himself comes to see us. He announces our “crimes” to his allies. I scoff, but don’t bother defending our cause. There is no meaning in persuading people who blind themselves, who refuse to see. It appears that Yukinaga was offered the option of seppuku, but refused on the grounds of his faith. I, of course, will receive no such honour. He also asked for a priest, but was denied. Men bring us our last meal and unbind our hands, so we can eat. It is rice with grilled fish and miso soup. I stare numbly at the soup, watching as the miso paste forms a sediment at the bottom of the bowl, and find myself thinking of Cao Pi again.

As ends go, this one’s not great. Would you perhaps write a poem comparing it to my sinking feelings?

Yukinaga nudges me. “Why are you not eating? They will not wait forever.”

I laugh. He probably thinks I’ve lost it. What does it matter, whether or not I eat? “I’ve been plagued by stomach problems of late. This is bad for my digestion,” I say at last.

He frowns, swallowing another mouthful of his own meal. “That should be the least of your concerns.”

“On the contrary,” I correct him in an attempt to lighten the situation. “Even in the worst of scenarios, you never know how things will turn out.” Besides, bad enough this will mess up my hair, the last thing I want is to die feeling queasy.

He shakes his head and resumes eating in silence. I glance at the food once more and reach for the book I’ve kept in the folds of my kimono instead. Flipping it open, I turn to the last page. A poem entitled Grand precedes the last entry. I regret that I have not had the time to read it in full, but what I have read is enough. Enough for me. He always was.

> _It is only on this day that I finally understand what men mean when they say their time is up. I hate to feel this weak. Even holding this pen demands more effort than it should._
> 
> _As I lie here, ailing, I cannot help but rue the transience of life. Time is an unforgiving master. What meaning is there in possessing the world when I have not even the chance to see it for myself?_
> 
> _In the end, it matters not whether I believe Rui to truly be my son. He is the only one of my surviving children able to inherit at this time, so I have finally instated him as Crown Prince officially. Perhaps he resents me for forcing Zhen to her death. The truth is I never doubted his lineage. But Zhen herself only ever lent credence to the rumours, and to hear about her and Zhi was the last straw._
> 
> _My consorts visit me in turn. And even as I look upon them for what may be the last time, I realize that they are each but a fraction of that nameless thing —person— that I seek, that I sometimes imagine I commit these thoughts to writing for. Perhaps Nüwang is my favourite because she reminds me most of that person. I cannot fathom how I can be so certain that this person exists when, surely, we have never met._
> 
> _Perhaps if there is something beyond this life, and no one yet has been able to tell me so or what it is like to my satisfaction, I shall finally find the one I’m missing._

I close my eyes as I shut the book and slip it back into my kimono, crossing my arms over my chest to hold it close to my heart. Beside me, Yukinaga asks for paper on which to pen a final message to his wife, Justa. This much he is allowed, and Tokugawa promises that it will be delivered. A pity that the only one I wish to write to is over a millennium in time away. The others I hope they never find.

As they lead me to the gallows, I compose it in my head.

I still know not how I know you. You who haunt my dreams, my thoughts, my heart, who knew and loved me over a thousand years before I lived. Even now, I wish you were here. Would you tell me I should have waited for a better opportunity or even Tokugawa’s death? That I could have swayed people with words and deeds over time? I would not have listened, of course. Just like I didn’t listen to Sakon or Yoshitsugu when they told me it was already too late. But you were always better at politics than I would ever be. Perhaps, if you were here, things might have turned out diff—

**Author's Note:**

> [1] 厘 (rin) - Japanese measurement equal to 0.303 millimetres or 0.01193 inches.  
> [2] 尺 (shaku) - Japanese measurement equal to 30.3 centimetres or 11.93 inches.  
> [3] In tea brewed using loose tea leaves, it is said to be a sign of good luck if the tea leaves float in the cup.  
> [4] _The Collected Writings of Emperor Wen of Wei_ is a very, very fictional book I made up for this story. All the memoir entries are written by me. To my knowledge, Cao Pi was never known to keep a diary, and in my headcanon, he only does so post-Orochi because the person he truly wishes to confide in isn’t there. However, if it turns out such a book exists, please tell me where I can get my hands on this piece of fabulous. Oh, and I definitely had no intention of infringing any intellectual property laws. On the other hand, the poems mentioned by title in the story, as well as the _Dianlun_ , do exist and are indeed composed by Cao Pi.  
> [5] 後の祭り (ato no matsuri) - Day after the festival; Japanese idiomatic expression meaning “too late.”  
> [6] お化け (Obake) refers to a shapeshifting class of spirits in Japanese folklore. Mitsunari is calling Ieyasu a daylight robber that comes in many forms i.e. deceitful. By appease, he means that everyone has already joined Ieyasu.  
> [7] 頭が上がらない (atama ga agaranai) - The head does not rise; Japanese idiomatic expression. One meaning of being unable to lift one’s head is to feel heavily indebted.  
> [8] This impromptu poem is also fictional, written by me as if translated from Chinese. While actually composing ancient Chinese poetry is very far above and beyond my capabilities, I promise you that the lines can most definitely rhyme in Mandarin. As an additional point of interest, peach blossoms are a Chinese metaphor for romance, and in the language of flowers, peach blossoms mean “your qualities, like your charms, are unequaled.”  
> [9] 垂れ (Tare) - best known as teriyaki sauce. 御握り (Onigiri) - rice balls. 焼き魚 (Yakizakana) - Grilled fish.  
> [10] 大名 (daimyō) - feudal lord. 太閤 (Taikō) - Hideyoshi's title, indicating that he is the retired kampaku (basically, chief advisor to the Emperor).  
> [11] 五大老 (Go-Tairō) - The Five Regents Hideyoshi appointed to govern Japan in his son's stead. Mitsunari is referring to the three besides Ieyasu who are alive (Mōri Terumoto, Uesugi Kagekatsu, Ukita Hideie).  
> [12] 元服 (genpuku) - Japanese coming of age ceremony where men receive their adult/courtesy names.  
> [13] 丕 (pi) - The character used in Cao Pi’s given name; it means “greatness.”  
> [14] 雷雅 (Raiga) - Lightning Grace; completely fictional name of Mitsunari’s horse.
> 
> I love feedback of literally ANY kind. Please leave some! <3


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